'You could say ouch!'
Several years ago I learnt a very valuable lesson
in Empathy from my then, three year old son, Jas-Peter.
After experiencing the roller
coaster ride that is living with Zeraiah a.k.a Zsa zsa d'amour, Johanan
who's name means "Gift from Jehovah", was just that - a real
gift. A dream baby who did everything on cue and who even had the sense to
let me know when it was time to be potty trained! Then came Jas-Peter!!
Jas because the the name means
"Hidden in Jehovah's palm". Peter because he was the living image
of Peter-Romaine my first son, who would have been 21 years old today..
In and through everything we always give thanks!!!! After the trauma of
losing my first son I was overjoyed to have his "twin" and
felt the need for divine protection. Little did I know how aptly named this
little terror was! A real hurricane who was nothing on Houdini!! Pulling
Jas out of washing machines, freeing him from awkward gaps/holes were
daily occurrences... standing transfixed to the ground as he carefully
opened a bottle of bleach and announced I need dwink want some?? All
moments when I threw myself on God’s mercy and reminding Him of His
promises to Hide in the palm of His Hand.
Jas was at best a nuisance and
at worst a security risk to himself. Living life on the edge was his MO
and, by the age of three his party piece was proudly showing off injuries
which he displayed with an array of strategically placed plasters!! Jas
could tax the patience of a statue and it came with a fearlessness that
made him stick his nose into the barrel of a soldiers gun and say go on
then pull the trigger... your gun’s not real... come on then what
you waiting for? The cartoon character "Dennis the menace" was
not a patch on this boy!
One Saturday afternoon the
family were enjoying a nice summer afternoon in the garden, Zeraiah sat
regally in her chair smelling the roses, Johanan, contemplating how he
could change the world for kids, scribbled furiously in his little book
as the ideas came. The peace and tranquility of the moment was interrupted
by a piercing scream from Jas... Help Muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmy Help!!!!
As he approached torn and bleeding
from the rose bush scratches, limping badly from "the superman jump",
his screams could be heard throughout the neighborhood! Mummy the tree tore
my shirt... and the stairs wouldn't let me down so I had to jump... The
rose bush wouldn't let me through; I'm bleeding to death... I looked up from
my magazine and barked, "Well, what can I do about it?" He shrugged
and said, “Nothing but you could at least say ‘Ouch’." Mummy!!!!”
Ouch!! What a wonderful metaphor to remind us of the power and importance of caring and taking the time to show it. Jas wasn't asking me to solve his problem, at three he was a seasoned first aider and his love of plasters made being injured a totally pleasurable experience. What he was asking was for me to share an event. What he wanted was EMPATHY!!
As a mother I have a tendency
to focus on fixing rather than feeling... At that moment I learned a really valuable lesson,
My young son Jas taught me,
that the remedy was a simple "ouch" or even better a hug and a
kind word! Of course having an endless supply of Thomas the Tank Engine
plasters also helped the healing process. Or in the event of a major catastrophe where
our resident medical expert Johanan advised that the injuries were surely fatal
and life was fast ebbing away, an adhesive bandage had amazing resurrecting powers!
10 years on I am still learning
that tenderness is more important than toughness... Empathy is about putting
yourself in someone else's position so you can sincerely say Ouch I felt
that for you and mean it! Jas has moved on and is now dealing with "personal
space issues"... and "energy levels" that rise or fall depending
on whether its basketball or maths homework.
It’s easy to laugh at the anecdotes above, but there’s something truly wonderful about how often a loving hug or touch makes things better for young children. We shouldn't underestimate the healing power of sincere compassion, concern, and affection. We ought to try it more on adults. Take a moment to acknowledge each other’s "ouches," too, and simply be there - with a kiss, a hug, or a kind word of consolation. The popular song says what the world needs now is love... but what the world needs is people who care enough to say OUCH!!!!!